The Grammar of Conduct

Most people know C.S. Lewis was both an author and a professor of English literature at Oxford and Cambridge.  In his role as a professor, he wrote a series of essays about various important works of English literature and their authors.  Chaucer, Shakespeare, Donne, Bunyan, Kipling, Sir Walter Scott, and others were examined by the renowned tutor.  In his essay titled “A Note on Jane Austen”, Lewis made an observation about her description and use of manners in Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, etc.:

 

“Jane Austen’s ‘principles’ [of civility and manners] might be described as the grammar of conduct.”

 

Grammar is an invisible and yet indispensable component of language.  It informs structure, syntax, and style.  Without the rules of grammar, language falls short of its aim to communicate effectively.  In a similar way, Lewis noted that Austen used civility and manners as the building blocks—the grammar—of appropriate conduct in her novels.  For Austen, when conduct was built upon the largely invisible grammar of civility, it became dignified and right.

 

Just as spoken languages are codified in dictionaries, the language of civility is codified in rituals and norms.  Each culture has developed a common language of civility—shared social behaviors that govern how people interact, enabling humanity to flourish.

 

And yet, it takes only a cursory look around today’s world to witness behavior that reveals a growing inability to exercise civility.  Humanity seems to be losing its grasp on the civil ‘grammar’ that composes healthy conduct.

 

Why is this?  While there are certainly other causes, our lives have become consumed with modern technologies. While our digital age holds the promise of immediate, inexpensive, and ubiquitous communication, it also compromises our humanity and impoverishes our relationships. Technology keeps us distracted and superficial, eroding our ability to empathize with others. The immediacy of our communication encourages us to exchange quantity for quality in our interactions. Online interactions are easily anonymized, making it harder to see the human being on the other side of the interaction. Consequently, it becomes easier to dehumanize and depersonalize others.

 

How we use technology reveals truth about the human condition.  Through technology, our inner selves are easily unmasked, and our conduct shows who we truly are—whether honorable or wretched (sometimes in rapid succession).

 

This phenomenon is not limited to social media use. While we may associate social media with empowering the worst expressions of human nature, other forms of technologically mediated interaction—such as phone calls or emails—also depersonalize communication. This depersonalization can make it easier for us to do and say things we wouldn’t do or say in person.

 

What is our role in creating a more civil and humane society in this digital age?  How can we practice civility as the “grammar of conduct” in our daily lives?

 

We can increase the number and frequency of experiences during which we can make eye contact with real humans in the real world.  Take a walk with a friend.  Choose to play a lengthy technology-free game with family.  Choose an activity with others that is inherently disconnected from technology: ride bikes, put together a puzzle, go on a hike, take a long drive, or read out loud to one another.  Practice being present with and listening to real flesh-and-blood human beings. 

 

Just as English grammar enables effective communication, civility enables right behavior.  It is the grammar of conduct.